WHY!?

Why was it so easy for you to walk away?

Why didn’t you even give me the time of day?

How could you claim to love me then leave me that fast?

As easy as that I became your past.

I’m hurt, angry, over the moon.

In the span of a second our hearts don’t flow to the same tune?

So now I’m just a memory, nothing but an old story

You think of me as history, yet I was your joy, your glory?

Then were you fake, did you know what was at stake.

That my heart youd fully take, then at the sign of trouble break?

Im not turning this on you, Ofcourse I admit to my mistake,

But you Mr. perfect are far from true..how could you watch me leave, for heavens sake?

Was I not worth your while, the one whom you could walk 1000 miles,

Here comes one trial, and youre that quickly filled with bile?

I thought I was worth it, coz you were worth it too,

I’da fought for you, with all my might, but you just left as if on cue.

Why did you let me cry on your shoulder?

Why did you let me hold your hand?

Why did you say we’d be together even when we older?

That through whatever we’d stand.

I wanna curse but that’s not ladylike,

But then again ladylike can take a hike.

I wanna fight but don’t believe in violence,

Then again all my beliefs are on the fence.

I wanna scream but that’ll mess my throat.

But if I don’t, here comes Dr. Phil with his white coat,

I can’t believe I trusted for a second that you were the one

And now that my hopes are rusted, I just gotta move on and then some.

When I needed you most, you neglected me,

When I cried for help, you rejected me.

Well, a lesson aint a lesson unless it’s learnt,

And so I’m moving on, all my bridges burnt.

The Princess and Real Life..part 1

Once upon a time,

There lived a little girl.

Was she a princess?

Or was she the King’s stress?

Was her hair long and fair,

Or her clothes tattered with wear,

Her smile dazzling bright,

Or the girl who’s stepmom scared her into fright?

Is this a fairy tale,

That ends with a happily ever after?

Of a moat and a castle?

Land filled with laughter?

What story should she tell?

Of having fallen so far down the well?

That the water covers her very existence,

And there’s no normalcy she can sense?

No rope long enough to pull her out,

No hand tight enough to hold her,

No light bright enough to shine through

No lie great enough to hide the truth.

Where does she even begin?

The night he first walked in?

Tied and bound her wrists,

And pounded her with balled fists.

Or the father who walked out,

Even if he was always around,

The mother who didn’t shout,

When dark secrets & truths were found.

The men who opened and closed doors,

With no regard of what they left behind,

Without even bothering to mop the floors,

Breaking every fragile thing they could find.

Or perhaps of trust that was broken,

Harsh words that were spoken,

Wounds inflicted, when only jokin',

Everything around suffocating her_choking.

Sin that was done to her,

Sin that she did to herself,

All kept her tied up,

Piling up on that shelf.

Locked in her own high tower,

Put her own dragons to guard the gate,

cut her flowing tresses so no one can save her,

and sadly not even she can save herself.

So who's the Prince in this story,

who slays the dragon,

who's the King in this tale,

who frees the land.

Where's Aslam the lion,

to give a roar of victory,

where's the horizon in the distance,

the happy end to the happy story.

The thing with real life,

Is that when enough is enough,

there's no "Eye Of The Tiger" soundtrack,

its easier to just give up.

There's no Fairy Godmother hoping for the best,

Or wand that you can wish upon,

there's no magic carpet to whisk you off,

or instant healing after a prick from a thorn.

No blue genies, no rainbow coloured bears,

no secret closets, or old men who care

no rabbit hole, no mirror on the wall,

no one to catch you when you fall.

A frog can't turn into a prince,

One key can't open all doors,

A girl cant shrink to half her size,

And sometimes five doesn't automatically follow four,

HA!

There's no beginning there's no end,

you just find yourself in it, drowning in the deep end

there's no justice, there's no sense

there's no fairness, it all just ends.

yes..there is no fairness,there's no sense because...

There are monsters,

monsters that steal kill and destroy,

Sometimes these monsters are in us,

most times they come to all of us.

There are apples that choke,

and glass slippers that don't fit,

and fires that rage on,

years after they were lit.

The beasts aren't kind,

or magically turn into love,

they hate us with all they can,

and yet we never learn.

We never learn,

we never learn,

we never learn,

that life is no fairy tale..

This is no fairy tale.

It never was, never can be, never will

So why believe the myth that,

we can overcome anything by being still?

I don't get it

I don’t get it, I know it’s wrong,

Still I’ll sing that fateful song.

As if my hands are tied and bound,

Hunted by this bloodthirsty hound.

I don’t get it, it hurts inside

Yet as if my heart’s stopped beating, everything inside me’s died

So like a zombie ill stand up-straight-

And go ahead, in a trance, to ruin my fate.

I don’t get it; I constantly hurt those I love,

But my actions are thought out after; before realizing the power they have.

Like a drunken man who acted in a stupor

Then realizes, the next day, his consequences are super

I don’t get it I hate what I do,

But as Paul simply puts it it’s the sin that lives in you.

So I sin and sin, then sin some more

As if that’s not enough, I’ll add four score

It’s like I like having regrets,

It’s like I enjoy the setting guilt,

When the “oh no” from last night sets

And I tear down everything He’s built.

It’s like I enjoy the burn,

When I put my hand atop that flame,

So instead of taking a u-turn

I keep at it, awaiting the inevitable shame

I don’t get it, it hurts to hurt

But still with this danger I love to flirt

Still on my knees Ill crawl and eat dirt

Wondering THEN why it’s so impossible to unhurt

Hurt both Him and I

Both the world and time

Both the alive and the unborn

I hurt both the untouched and the scorned

So why do I sin

I still ask

If He now lives in me

Living sinless should not be such a task

A time as this...

It’s for now that I’m placed here,

It’s for this that I was born-

So don’t mourn,

Or look forlorn,

You may be torn

But remember the promises sworn

 That for you a child IS born

Not was because his purpose remains,

By going through hurt and pain,

His body maimed,

His will drained

Not for fortune or fame

But for us HE took the blame

And for that purpose, he became OUR purpose;

Giving us direction_the greatest compass,

Guards our every step, enemy: do not trespass

When it gets hard, weep,

When in doubt, his promises keep,

When you’re wounded, bleed,

And when weak, lead.

But NEVER give in,

Don’t conform to sin,

Keep Christ within

Because we’re next of kin

To the King of Kings.

So when trials begin,

Don’t take it on the chin,

For with purpose you’re either out or in,

But for purpose you’ll always win.

DEFINITION: Unbelief

Their promise was the promised land,
amidst it all-they saw his hand.
Delivered from slavery;bondage,
sustained miraculously until ol9d age.
Pillar by night, cloud by day,
Red sea parted to give them way.
Manna from heaven, water from a rock;
all these accounts they took into stock.
HOW! from their destiny were they left out?
Unbelief:incredulity;skepticism:simply, doubt.

What made them weep and shake their heads?
What made them cry over the risen "dead?
Throughout his ministry they were told,
YET-when it happened they weren't sold.
Before them were the women who had seen,
the angels, rolled away stone, the tomb-clean.
They turned away and closed their eyes,
unable to believe what they thought was lies.
What made them harden their hearts to truth?
Unbelief: the need for visible proof.

What's made me hang up the gloves;give up the good fight?
What's blinding my vision_can't see the light?
Anger, frustration, hurt all the time,
Red, yellow, green:please give me a sign.
Like the Israelites, I disobey,
like the disciples, I cannot say,
Why I shake my head;I cannot perceive,
What it would take to make me believe.
Unbelief:the rule I live by
yet, dissatisfied, I still need an answer to my 'why'.

It's harder now, than I thought it would be,
the act of disregarding all that which made me.
This life of questions;silent answers,
Speak, blow, whistle? Ah,what are the chances?
Groping in the dark, all in the name of His will,
Hidden, mystified; how am I expected to be still?
When all around me storm winds blow,
Unfair; to take all that which life throws.
If I believe, why can't I simply believe?
Unbelief: the need to see inorder to receive.


Lord I believe, Help my unbelief,
I want to hold on to Word,arrest the thief,
I let you be my ruler_head chief,
"Here, take my burdens," I'd say in relief,
Whether, like the disciples, filled with grief,
Or, like the Israelites, my faith is brief,
I won't keep my ship stuck on the reef,
but sail to my destination;flourish like a guinness record leaf.
Still,like the Israelites_I disobey,
Like the disciples, I cannot say.

Alter Ego

You’re fake you’re a sham am I to believe you’re the great I am?

You let me hurt you make me cry with you I’m always asking the question why

Why’d they have to die, why’d they walk away, why is there always hurt, is this a price I have to pay?

Are you angry, don’t you care, why why why are you even there?

So I trust in you, just to get my trust shattered, I give you my heart; my all, just to have it battered?

Dreams crushed, hopes flushed, my opinions crushed, everything I held: trashed.

Forget you then, forget you all, I can live life alone, I don’t need you to stand tall.

All I once held dear-money, sex, drugs, drink-are all my backup plan, see I don’t need you to think.

Im a big girl, who evidently doesn’t serve a big God, Im the master of my own life, I can be my own lord.

 

I just wanna curl up in bed & die, I wanna stay in bed & cry, even as I ask the questions why, I know deep down my own answers are a lie.

A lie from the devil a lie from the world, telling me I can do all things through me who strengthens me, they’ve become my “kino’s pearl”

My destruction, my hurt, my bubble buster, its [all] tearing me apart.

All I held dear-drugs, sex, drink, money, are all useless, pointless, kinda like bitter honey.

I just want out-aren’t you the way

I seek answers-aren’t you the truth

I need to breathe again-aren’t you life, risen from death to rid me my shame, took on my stripes so I feel no pain, lost it all so I could gain, am I crazy for rejecting you, I must be insane, I need that peace that surpasses it ALL once again.

Still I praise...

Lord you know I don’t feel like

Praise is the last thing I want to do

But even through these trials and temptations

My praise I will lift unto you

There is none like you,

No one else can touch my heart like you do,

I could search for all eternity long and find

There is none like you.

And in the dark of this nightmare,

The hole in my heart I can see through

As the tears run endlessly down my face

Still my praise I will lift unto you

Worthy is the lamb

Seated on the throne

I crown you now with many crowns

You reign victorious

High and lifted up

Jesus son of God

The darling of heaven crucified

Worthy is the lamb

So far the jail walls aren’t shaking

There’s no angel with open arms I can run to

No salvation from this prison

Even so my praise I will lift unto you

How great is our God, sing with me

How great is our God, and all will see

How great, how great, is our God.

I can’t see any hope for tomorrow

But I trust/know my heart you’ll fix anew

For you God are ever faithful

And that’s why all praise I lift unto you