DEFINITION: Unbelief

Their promise was the promised land,
amidst it all-they saw his hand.
Delivered from slavery;bondage,
sustained miraculously until ol9d age.
Pillar by night, cloud by day,
Red sea parted to give them way.
Manna from heaven, water from a rock;
all these accounts they took into stock.
HOW! from their destiny were they left out?
Unbelief:incredulity;skepticism:simply, doubt.

What made them weep and shake their heads?
What made them cry over the risen "dead?
Throughout his ministry they were told,
YET-when it happened they weren't sold.
Before them were the women who had seen,
the angels, rolled away stone, the tomb-clean.
They turned away and closed their eyes,
unable to believe what they thought was lies.
What made them harden their hearts to truth?
Unbelief: the need for visible proof.

What's made me hang up the gloves;give up the good fight?
What's blinding my vision_can't see the light?
Anger, frustration, hurt all the time,
Red, yellow, green:please give me a sign.
Like the Israelites, I disobey,
like the disciples, I cannot say,
Why I shake my head;I cannot perceive,
What it would take to make me believe.
Unbelief:the rule I live by
yet, dissatisfied, I still need an answer to my 'why'.

It's harder now, than I thought it would be,
the act of disregarding all that which made me.
This life of questions;silent answers,
Speak, blow, whistle? Ah,what are the chances?
Groping in the dark, all in the name of His will,
Hidden, mystified; how am I expected to be still?
When all around me storm winds blow,
Unfair; to take all that which life throws.
If I believe, why can't I simply believe?
Unbelief: the need to see inorder to receive.


Lord I believe, Help my unbelief,
I want to hold on to Word,arrest the thief,
I let you be my ruler_head chief,
"Here, take my burdens," I'd say in relief,
Whether, like the disciples, filled with grief,
Or, like the Israelites, my faith is brief,
I won't keep my ship stuck on the reef,
but sail to my destination;flourish like a guinness record leaf.
Still,like the Israelites_I disobey,
Like the disciples, I cannot say.

Alter Ego

You’re fake you’re a sham am I to believe you’re the great I am?

You let me hurt you make me cry with you I’m always asking the question why

Why’d they have to die, why’d they walk away, why is there always hurt, is this a price I have to pay?

Are you angry, don’t you care, why why why are you even there?

So I trust in you, just to get my trust shattered, I give you my heart; my all, just to have it battered?

Dreams crushed, hopes flushed, my opinions crushed, everything I held: trashed.

Forget you then, forget you all, I can live life alone, I don’t need you to stand tall.

All I once held dear-money, sex, drugs, drink-are all my backup plan, see I don’t need you to think.

Im a big girl, who evidently doesn’t serve a big God, Im the master of my own life, I can be my own lord.

 

I just wanna curl up in bed & die, I wanna stay in bed & cry, even as I ask the questions why, I know deep down my own answers are a lie.

A lie from the devil a lie from the world, telling me I can do all things through me who strengthens me, they’ve become my “kino’s pearl”

My destruction, my hurt, my bubble buster, its [all] tearing me apart.

All I held dear-drugs, sex, drink, money, are all useless, pointless, kinda like bitter honey.

I just want out-aren’t you the way

I seek answers-aren’t you the truth

I need to breathe again-aren’t you life, risen from death to rid me my shame, took on my stripes so I feel no pain, lost it all so I could gain, am I crazy for rejecting you, I must be insane, I need that peace that surpasses it ALL once again.

Still I praise...

Lord you know I don’t feel like

Praise is the last thing I want to do

But even through these trials and temptations

My praise I will lift unto you

There is none like you,

No one else can touch my heart like you do,

I could search for all eternity long and find

There is none like you.

And in the dark of this nightmare,

The hole in my heart I can see through

As the tears run endlessly down my face

Still my praise I will lift unto you

Worthy is the lamb

Seated on the throne

I crown you now with many crowns

You reign victorious

High and lifted up

Jesus son of God

The darling of heaven crucified

Worthy is the lamb

So far the jail walls aren’t shaking

There’s no angel with open arms I can run to

No salvation from this prison

Even so my praise I will lift unto you

How great is our God, sing with me

How great is our God, and all will see

How great, how great, is our God.

I can’t see any hope for tomorrow

But I trust/know my heart you’ll fix anew

For you God are ever faithful

And that’s why all praise I lift unto you

I used to cry...

I used to cry everyday,

The tears an expression of things I could not say.

Pain, hurt, sorrow…

experiences no child should go through..and so much more.

Vices I saw in the world, or closer home-

in my own home.

Those who should love each other the most

ending up hurting each other more than most.

Speaking without thinking,

Turning to drinking,

Self-esteem sinking,

Wrong relationships-linking,

In a nutshell, life without living,

Chest unheaving,

You’re not breathing,

Hope you had in them shrinking.

I used to cry every day coz I had no shoulder to lean on,

No body to turn to,

No hand to hold,

Nowhere to go.

I searched for any end to the tears,

To the haunting in my dreams and the endless fears.

I still cry every day, because I still live in a world of pain

And shame..

But I cry moreso when I see how far I’ve come, rather how far He came for me,

And with that how high he lifted me and how close he held me.

A God who cried everyday until his ultimate sorrow was his son’s death,

Who was tortured and took his last breath,

For a people who caused his tears yet,

He still cried, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do”.

With love so unfailing and true,

And selfless tears shed solely for me and you.

hurt bleed scar heal

When I trust with all of me, I hurt,
When you’re all I can see, I hurt,
When I eat from the tree, I hurt,
When I’m no longer on my knees, I hurt.

When your words break my heart, I bleed,
When all dreams fail to start, I bleed,
When I’m confused, misplaced_horse without cart, I bleed,
When from Him I depart, I bleed.

I vow to trust no more, I scar,
No longer wait for open doors, I scar,
I allow the thief to rob me poor, I scar,
Why believe any more? So I scar.

Then appears a friend in need, I heal,
Life abundant indeed, I heal,
Once more I may bleed but He’ll heal,
IF his voice I dedicatedly heed,
Trust Him-not just his deed,
His message I sow_the seed,
From which by his grace the world will feed,
And if asked was it Jesus? I say yes indeed…
The one who hurt, who bled, who scarred & now, bcoz of Him, we’re healed.